Editor’s note: War Stories is an occasional column in which Art Shulman, president of Shulman Research, Van Nuys, Calif., presents humorous anecdotes of life in the research trenches. Send your own (or a colleague’s) tales of research-related wackiness to him at artshulman@aol.com. Contributors may remain anonymous.

Gary Brown of DDC Research tells a story from way back - in 1975 - when he was working for another com-pany. He was in downtown Los Angeles doing a survey on saltwater fishing (no kidding) using door-to-door interviewing to estimate the number of fishing trips taken during the past year.

He worked in teams of two, with one interviewer and one security escort. On the final day of interviewing, his team was greeted at the very last household on the last block by a large, barking German shepherd behind a very, very low fence. Brown, the security part of the team, eyed the front porch of the house and said, “Look at those newspapers and magazines laying on the porch; nobody is home here. And I’m glad as hell cause the dog scares me to death. Hurray, we’re finally done!”

But his coworker - a nearly 70-year-old female, clearly from the old school - adamantly pointed out, “We were told to visit every selected household on the block, and this house was selected so I’m gonna give it a shot.”

She calmly opened the gate, petted the dog, rang the doorbell, found a saltwater fisherman inside and conducted an interview.
Brown stood outside the fence for the next 15 minutes being barked at by the German shepherd.

For those of you not aware, I am in show business in a way. I write plays and occasionally even act in them. I sometimes liken market research to show business. For example, when I’m about to leave my clients in the viewing room to moderate a group, I often announce as I leave, “OK, it’s showtime!”

That’s why I was so intrigued when moderator Melissa Van Ryzin sent in her war story.

About midway through the first of two groups she was moderating one evening she realized she was going to throw up! (This was not based on the material she was presenting. She was really sick.) Motioning to the group that she needed a moment, she held up a finger. Then she tore out of the room. She ended up throwing up on the floor in the hall and on herself before making it to the bathroom.

The viewing team (from her company) was wonderful. One of them sat in the bathroom, helping her clean up. Another went in to finish the group. Not the greatest idea, Van Ryzin indicates, since the team member (not a researcher) pretty much did everything wrong. But bless his heart, he kept the group going. He also moderated the second one despite her protests, but it made sense since the respondents already had arrived and Van Ryzin smelled of vomit.

Van Ryzin was told that after she left, the respondents briefly were concerned about her but soon resumed discussing the topic.
What does all this illustrate? In market research, like in show business, the show must go on!

Al Roberts of A.P. Roberts Associates was moderating a focus group of OB/GYNs on the topic of prenatal care. One participant, older than the rest, began trying to respond to virtually every question and to lecture the younger physicians. At one point, stressing the need for preventive medicine, he challenged the group with the question: “How often do you people have rectal exams?”

After a few embarrassing responses, someone asked him how often he had a rectal exam. He responded, emphatically and righteously, “Every six months!”

There was a moment or two of silence. Then Roberts asked him, “Performed by a physician, or some oth-er, um, professional?”
The laughter went on and on.

Lee Boylan of Manzanita Market Research tells of the time she was conducting one-on-one interviews with people who had experienced bariatric (weight-loss) surgery. A woman who had undergone the procedure and lost a lot of weight was describing the extra flesh that remains after shedding excess pounds. To demonstrate, she stripped off her blouse.

Boylan blushed, but continued the interview as soon as the woman put her clothes back on!

So, what do you think? Would the woman have disrobed like that for a male moderator?