Editor's note: "War Stories" is a regularfeature in which Art Shulman, president of Shulman Research, Van Nuys, Calif., presents humorous stories of life in the research trenches.
Are you like me? Do you think you were born to be in market research? I remember when I was a kid of about nine or 10, watching the evening news on television. It would be a sweltering summer day and the newscaster would say something like, "And 2 million people jammed our city beaches today!"
Now, hearing that, most kids would imagine themselves swimming or frolicking in the surf or building sand castles. But when I heard that report, I'd say to myself. "How do they know it's 2 million? Who counted them? When did they count them? If they counted them at 2 p.m., what about all the people who came at 2:30 p.m.?"
Or, if there was a parade, the broadcaster would say, "And 1.2 million people lined the streets to celebrate." And while most kids would imagine themselves marching in the parade or cheering on the sidelines, I'd ask my mother, "How do they know it's 1.2 million?"
My mother would answer, "Arthur, what's the difference if it's 1.2 million, more than 1.2 million, or less than 1.2 million? Can't you just appreciate a parade?"
Then she would add, "And after dinner, I want you to march into the bathroom and shave off your mustache."
Basically market researchers are good people. However, sometimes despite our best intentions, we go astray. Jeff Totten cites a mail study where his firm sent out a small amount of money as an incentive. An elderly minister returned the money, along with his questionnaire, writing how sinful it was to "guilt" people into responding.
Becky Fangman of Fangman Research reports a mall study her company conducted where it was hard to determine if one specific child was male or female. When the interviewer asked, "What is your sex" the child answered, "Oh, I'm too young to have sex."
Shelley Donow of Donow & Associates, a qualitative recruiting firm, reports an incident which has undoubtedly occurred many times. Two women arrived at the facility at the same time, both in business suits and carrying attaché cases. One of the women announced to the receptionists that she was from the company sponsoring the groups and the receptionist escorted them both to the client viewing room.
Other clients arrived and all began eating dinner in the viewing room. Finally the moderator arrived and introduced herself around, asking one of the women who'd been escorted in earlier if she was from the agency or the client. Of course, it turned out that the woman was supposed to be a respondent in the group, and having never been in a group before, didn't realize she was in the wrong room.
Research consultant Thomas T. Semon reports editing questionnaires years ago on a study for Serutan ("Natures spelled backward"). In answer to the question, "Where did you first learn about Serutan?" one respondent replied, "I saw it being demonstrated at the RKO theater." Semon could never figure out what kind of demonstration the respondent had seen.