My subject this month is electronic correspondence. First off, taking a cue from War Stories compiler Art Shulman, here are two bits of research-related wit emailed to us by reader Jerry Travis.

Travis labeled the first one, supplied to him by a friend, "a lovely metaphor."

A man was floating in a hot air balloon and suddenly realized he was lost. He began reducing his height and soon spotted a man down below. He lowered the balloon further.

"Excuse me," he shouted, "can you tell me where I am?"

"Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above the ground," the man on the ground said.

"You must work in marketing research," said the balloonist.

"As a matter of fact I do," replied the man. "How did you Know?"

"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of no use to anyone."

The man below thought for a moment and then said, "You must work in marketing."

"I do," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," began the marketing researcher; "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

Travis also sent us this tale:

A group of marketing executives were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they’re falling off the ladders, dropphzg the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

A market researcher comes along and, seeing what they’re trying to do, walks over; pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measuremerit to one of the marketing executives and walks away.

After the researcher has gone, one marketer turns to another and laughs. "Isn’t that just like a researcher? We’re looking for the height and he gives us the length."

Speaking of e-mail, I’d like to encourage and invite you to send me some! My address is joeqmrr@uswest.net. Plaudits and/or brickbats are welcome, as are story ideas, observations, anecdotes, and more "lovely metaphors." (No chain letters, please!)

I’ve heard the pundits who cry that e-mail will be the death of letter-writing. I’d like to think that it may help the gentle art of corresppndence, by making the task simpler and more direct. Rather than having to compose your letter, print it, address an envelope and then stamp and mail it, now you simply open your e-mail program, compose your mail, and send it with the click of a button. And it won’t take three or four days for your missive to reach its destination. Three or four seconds is more like it.

Specifically, I’d like to get feedback on the magazine, what you like or don’t like, what kinds of stories you’d like to see more or fewer of. Perhaps you’ve worked on a research project and would like to submit an article about it or have us consider writing something about it . . .

Your input is also sought on some ideas I have for upcoming issues. For example, in our May issue I’m planning to include a few stories about interactive voice response (IVR) research. We’ve covered the topic in the past but recently we’ve been receiving more phone calls from readers looking for information about IVR. And I’ve noticed more research firms promoting their IVR capabilities, so I think some articles are in order. (And May being our telephone interviewing issue seems like the best place to put them.)

Some of the callers have wondered about response rates and other issues surrounding IVR, so I’m planning a kind of "FAQ on IVR" to answer several questions. If you have specific questions on IVR you’d like answered, drop me a line. (If your firm has used IVR for a research project and you think your experience would make a good story in our magazine, let me know!)

Internet/on-line research is another topic that readers always seem to have questions about. Our annual Internet/on-line research issue is corning in July and I’m planning on compiling a buyer’s guide to choosing an on-line research supplier (thanks to a visitor to our Researcher Forum on the QMRR Web site [www.quirks.com] for the story idea!). Once again, if there are questions you’d like answered, let me know. My plan is to talk to providers and users of Internet/ on-line research and get their tips and suggestions. If you have some thoughts on the matter, I’d love to hear them - by email or snail mail.