Editor's note: "War Stories" is a regular feature in which Art Shulman, president of Shulman Research, Van Nuys, Calif., presents humorous stories of life in the research trenches.
Some time ago, Sharon Livingston of Executive Solutions, a Laurel Hollow, N.Y., research firm, had an interesting experience when she conducted a focus group very near to the city where her parents lived. Without Livingston’s knowledge, someone in her office had told her parents the exact location of the facility at which she was moderating. So her parents, together with her aunt and uncle, headed to the facility, planning to surprise her.
They arrived just as the focus group was starting and told the host they were there to see Sharon Livingston. Thinking they were additional clients, the host ushered them into the backroom, where they sat just in back of the ledge behind the mirror. The large group of real clients no doubt wondered who they were. (The agency people probably thought they were from the company end, and the company people probably thought they were from the agency. So no one said anything.)
Her mother unwrapped the bagels and cream cheese she’d brought, and as they noshed, the family listened in. Finally, the clients figured out who the mystery people were when the proud mother loudly exclaimed, "Look at my Sharon! Isn’t she cute?"
When the group was over, Livingston headed to the backroom, ready to be debriefed. When she opened the door and suddenly saw her family, she almost dropped dead on the spot.
In another group, Livingston was testing beach chairs. One particularly overweight woman sat in the test product and couldn’t extricate herself. They finally had to break the chair apart to get her out.
During one group among denture wearers, the discussion turned to tartar and plaque. When one man said something Livingston just couldn’t understand, he removed his denture, thrust it in her face and asked, "Is this what you’re talking about, honey?"
For all of you who dread giving presentations, Livingston tells about a speaker delivering a talk on how to avoid presentation jitters. The speaker’s technique was to take two steps forward, two steps backward, then two steps forward again, and deliver the presentation.
But he didn’t get to take the second set of two steps forward, because he fell off the podium while taking the two steps backward.
A client of mine, who prefers to remain anonymous, though she is now notorious within her own company, was conducting focus groups on one of the company’s new recreational products. Because a particular point of interest was how consumers would actually use the product, the sessions were videotaped. At the end of the evening the hostess at the facility handed my client a videotape of the night’s proceedings. The client brought the videotape to the office the next day, and placed it on her desk.
One of the marketing people who hadn’t been able to attend the group sessions came by to ask if he could view the videotape. "Sure," my client answered, "it’s on my desk."
My client left on a week-long business trip a few minutes later, and when she returned, she got the news: the focus groups had been taped over a porno movie.
Since the group discussions did not last the full length of the tape, once the groups were over, there remained many minutes of steamy porno action which the marketing group watched with fascination.
The research world apparently was a lot more interesting than the marketing group expected.
My client denied knowledge of the licentious contents, but her denials were acknowledged by comments such as, "Uh-huh," or "Sure." When she confronted the marketing person about why he watched that portion of the tape at all, he said he was waiting for the protagonists to use the company’s test product.
My client told her boss that she would never use that facility again. But to her surprise, he replied, "Why not? I think we should use them more often."