The popular War Stories column, which presents humorous tales of life in the research trenches, has historically been compiled by Art Shulman, president of Shulman Research in Van Nuys, Calif. Each month in our e-newsletters we feature anecdotes from past War Stories columns and over time, we have received a handful of submissions from our e-newsletter readers who want to share their own outlandish or otherwise entertaining experiences of research gone just-slightly awry.
Submit your own War Story today!
Rival supermarket
December 27, 2023
Once, when Rob Podhurst was conducting an in-store intercept study for a brand of toilet bowl cleaner, he got to the store where the interviews were to take place and discovered that the store was out of stock on the product. Quickly improvising, Podhurst headed over to a rival supermarket and filled a shopping cart with the needed product.
As he stood in line to pay, he noticed he was getting some very strange looks from the woman in line behind him. Seizing the moment, he leaned over to her and whispered, "I've got a very busy day ahead of me!"
Behind the mirror
December 11, 2023
Mary Ann Farrell tells of a focus group she heard about among women who had very recently given birth. Before the session, one woman walked up to the mirror to apply lipstick. At that instant, as she was attending to her reflection, one of the clients in the viewing room, standing just behind the mirror, lit a match for his cigarette.
The woman suddenly saw, through the mirror, superimposed on her face, the face of a man with a flame in front of it. She fainted and had to be revived.
Sub-zero weather
November 27, 2023
Chuck Teaman tells about being a new researcher who had occasion to accompany an interviewer door-to-door in sub-zero Midwestern weather on a home placement callback interview.
When the interviewer came to the overall rating question (a 5-point asymmetrical scale) and read the scale choices, the respondent answered, "I liked it fine," The interviewer said, "Oh, you mean excellent," promptly circled "Excellent" and went on to the next question. Teaman didn't want to interrupt so he spoke to the interviewer afterward, who assured him that, "Well, everybody knows 'fine' means 'excellent' in Peoria, Ill.!"
Cigarette smokers
November 13, 2023
A researcher who prefers anonymity reports on a focus group he conducted among cigarette smokers, back when smoking was much more prevalent but starting on its decline. The session was going fine, with many seeming insightful comments. The last portion of the session involved a comparison test where respondents were to light up their current brand, which presumably they brought with them, and then compare it with the client’s new product.
But when the moderator asked respondents to light their current cigarette, one by one each respondent claimed not to have their cigarettes with them. “I think I left it in my car,” “They’re on my desk at home,” etc. Finally, everyone confessed.
Turns out none of the respondents smoked.
Her number came out of a computer
October 30, 2023
Mike Halberstam reports that an elderly female respondent contacted in one of their telephone surveys asked how she was selected to be called. The interviewer advised her that her number came out of a computer. The indignant woman complained, "That's ridiculous! I have never, ever put my number into any computer!"
"Do you have Windows?"
October 16, 2023
Mike Exinger of Clearwater Research reports doing a survey on computer peripherals where respondents were asked about computer types, printers and software. When one office manager was asked, "Do you have Windows?" she replied, "No, we're in the basement!"
Taking confidentiality to the extreme
September 18, 2023
In a recent multi-day online qualitative board, Sarah Faulkner asked a participant if she had ever shared anything about the product category in question with others, like writing a review or talking to friends and family. She replied in all earnestness that she "didn't share anything with anyone!" – possibly thinking that Faulkner was accusing her of breaking confidentiality. The participant then said, "I know how to keep a secret and promise not to tell anyone what I am doing!"
Make some money
September 18, 2023
Diane Okrent tells about a able crafts show focus group. To qualify, respondents had to be interested in crafts. Going around the table, Okrent came to a participant who said, “I’m really not crafty.” Of course, that respondent couldn’t contribute much to the discussion.
At the end of the group, Okrent asked the respondent to stay while she retrieved her screener. Before she got back, though, the respondent had collected her incentive and disappeared.
The next day, Okrent called the project manager and asked for an explanation of how the unqualified respondent got into the group. After some research, it turned out that the actual respondent had been detained at work and she told her sister-in-law to show up in her place (and make some money).
Out of the focus group
September 5, 2023
For a restaurant focus group, Jim Nelems of The Marketing Workshop reports that a participant had applied for a job at the client restaurant, but not hired. Then, once the client restaurant was identified, he began shouting out the name of the restaurant and cursing the person who turned him down, who was, in fact, behind the mirror in the observation room. A hostess entered and told the respondent he had a phone call, and because he was so drunk, he did not stop to think how someone had the phone number of the group facility to call him there. By then, he was out of the group room.
Who would ever think to screen for people who had applied for a job with a restaurant and been turned down?
"I'll call the session!"
August 21, 2023
Some time ago, there was a contentious debate about some proposed legislation in Kentucky. The firm Bart Borkosky worked for was hired to conduct a public opinion telephone survey. After a series of questions about the core issue, they asked a question that was worded along the lines of, "Now that you know a bit more about (issue), do you favor calling a special legislative session to resolve this?" One respondent answered without pause: "Heck yes, I'll call the session! What's the number?"
Tears of vexation
August 7, 2023
Al Popelka remembers the time his company was shipping product around the country for a peanut butter taste test, and the test product for one city disappeared. In the midst of the sweat and tears of vexation, one of his project directors came up with the only logical solution, "It must be stuck to the roof of the truck!"
Extended warranties
July 24, 2023
J. Patrick Galloway cites a telephone study of recent appliance purchasers, where one 93-year-old respondent expressed an interesting view of extended warranties.
Interviewer: "And why do you say you would 'definitely not' purchase an extended warranty for your new dishwasher?"
Respondent: "Honey, at my age I don't even buy green bananas."
Dog food and toilet paper
July 5, 2023
Tony Memoli remembers coming upon some interesting statistics a number of years ago while working at a consumer panel research company: 96% of households bought toilet paper (What about the rest?!), and 45% of households bought dog food yet only 40% owned a dog.
"Pure water"
June 20, 2023
A researcher preferring anonymity tells about being an interviewer early in his career, conducting a survey sponsored by a particular regional brand of beer. The brand's advertising was based on the fact that the beer was made using pure water from a particular lake. One respondent, when asked if he found anything hard to believe about the advertising, said he did. The cause of his skepticism? "I once visited that lake and saw a man standing on the shore peeing into it," he said.
Obtaining customer reactions
June 5, 2023
Cheryl Simer recalls a focus group she conducted on bras, where one of her responsibilities was to dress a mannequin with various prototypes, and then obtain consumer reactions. Rushed for time, she had hurriedly put the bras on the mannequin. The fourth bra to be evaluated suddenly began to slip upward and snapped off the form, shooting up two feet in the air. The consumers took it in stride. With slightly disapproving looks they said they were not interested in bras that did that!
"Oh, he works in advertising"
May 22, 2023
Imagine how Donna Tinari-Sigfried felt when, while moderating a focus group on a new product being tested as a promotion by her telecommunications company client, a respondent said, "I love this new promotion, my dad sent me a whole bunch." "Your dad sent you these?" Sigfried asked, somewhat panicked, as a large contingent of agency and client personnel observed through the mirror. "Oh, he works in advertising for [the client company]," explained the consumer.
Older retirees
May 8, 2023
Doug Conwell once told about a opinion poll regarding the possible merger of two local municipalities. Respondents tended to be older retirees. The first night of interviewing, when a respondent was told the topic of the survey was the "merger," she replied - in horror " Murder?"
Conwell and his group at first thought it was very funny. But when it started happening over and over again, they had to change the terminology.
Open-ended questions
April 24, 2023
Erin Read says she is often torn between cursing and loving open-ended questions. Pros: unfettered truths that amuse and inspire. Cons: 27 different ways of spelling Facebook.
Roach traps
April 10, 2023
Sherry Haub cites a focus group on roach traps she conducted early in her career. The session was held in one of the loveliest rooms she ever moderated in, with plants everywhere and a large skylight highlighting a big round marble table. The table featured a plate of elegant goodies for respondents to snack on, surrounded by a dozen of the client's roach traps, the intended subject of discussion.
The group was progressing nicely when suddenly all faces in the room registered surprise, then puzzlement, then dawning dismay as they noticed the Madagascar-sized roach perched insolently on the edge of the goodies plate, safe amid the armada of roach traps it had so casually negotiated on its way to the snacks.
Beer
March 27, 2023
Gail Fleenor tells of conducting in-store surveys in two small towns and receiving two types of refusals she’d never received before. One man refused to be interviewed because he was purchasing beer and was sure that somehow through the survey (which of course was anonymous) his pastor would find out that he drank.
Not on video
March 13, 2023
Dan Safreno recalls recruiting respondents to provide feedback on a few concepts. It was right as everyone moved to virtual in-depth-interviews, and respondents were told they had to be on camera and use a PC to view the concepts in order to participate. When one of the respondents logged into Zoom, he was not on video. The researchers asked the respondent to turn on his camera so they could see each other and quickly realized he was on his phone in his bathtub. After a little shock, the researchers reminded the respondent he needed to be on a PC to participate. He said it wasn't a problem and started to get out of the bathtub. The team didn't like the direction this was going and quickly ended the interview!
Behaviors and risks
February 27, 2023
Anthony Stanowski tells about conducting a community needs survey early in his career on consumers' health attitudes, behaviors and risks. One of the questions involved asking female respondents if they'd been pregnant within the past five years. A 74-year-old female laughed and said that if she had been, they would have surely heard about it by now. On the news.
A slight panic
February 13, 2023
Many years ago, Kevin Dona was as a young analyst working in the CPG arena, and had a colleague who was managing an in-home test of a new dip. She approached Dona one day in a slight panic and said, "I don't know what to do about these results." It was a simple question of where consumers expected to find the product in the store. Enough people selected "other specify" with the response "in the dumpster" that it was coded and showing up in the client tables. After tasting the sample myself, Dona recommended leaving that consumer suggestion.
The usual cast of characters
January 23, 2023
A client asked Doug Schorr if he had any stories from a week of shop-along and in-home ethnographies that were conducted in Dallas. At first the answer was a simple no, just the usual cast of characters. But then his team remembered the extremely flatulent dog (the respondent stated the dog was nervous of the interview), the cat in a dress chasing a wasp on the ledge, a 1940s murder house and being sequestered in a retail store while on lock down from a horrible hail storm. Maybe not just the usual after all!
Budgets
January 9, 2023
Ron Sellers recalled receiving a call from a potential client who ran a manufacturing business and was convinced she needed in-depth research to build market share. She spoke knowledgeably about focus groups, in-depth interviews, pre-/post-testing, etc. After taking calls from countless neophytes, finally Sellers had someone who understood research!
They talked for an hour about numerous strategies, finally deciding that their starting point could be a series of focus groups among different market segments, followed by quantitative work. Before they went any further, Sellers felt he needed to make sure they were on the same page in terms of budgets.
"Oh, I've got almost $500 set aside for research," she gushed.