Older and wiser but not always happier
Editor's note: Tanya Krim is president of research firm TKInsights LLC, Teaneck, N.J.
A recently completed qualitative research study (sponsored by my firm and some fellow gerontologists) clearly indicates that many members of the mid-life stage segment find themselves increasingly incapable of understanding much about the world at the moment. The older they get, the less they understand. Who would have thought that would be the case, they muse?
The reality is that the mid-life stage is complex, perplexing and often totally incomprehensible. For many years this age cohort (now somewhere in the early-late 50s space) has been called the Sandwich Generation. There are all kinds of fillings for sandwiches – jelly, egg salad, tuna, lettuce, tomato, cheese and avocado, to name but a few. So on the one hand, they have decided that this nomenclature does not do their situation justice as it’s not one-size-fits-all. On the other hand, it sums up the variety of different situations they may confront at this time of life quite accurately.
For those with children, top-of-mind is the complicated navigation of their familial role; interactions with one’s young adult children fleeing the nest and aging, obdurate parents with a myriad of physical and emotional needs. It is difficult for them to assess with any accuracy which of these two is more emotionally taxing: the heartache suffered watching one’s children wade into the challenging, heartless ocean of dating and employment or the pain experienced witnessing the gradual demise of parents, observing the waning of their physical and psychological stamina. For many, there is an obligation to be flexible enough to travel to support their needy older adult relative residing in another part of the country. At this life stage, obligation calls 24/7, even if one is feeling depleted.
When all is said and done, the emotional complexities experienced at this life stage may lead an individual to feel much like a very tightly foil-wrapped egg salad sandwich – there is no wiggle room, just the acknowledgment that one is certainly going to be taken along for the ride.
Causes turbulence
Additionally, this life stage consists of a smorgasbord of other unpleasant experiences, each of which causes additional turbulence. Many men and women in this cohort are still vibrant, interested in looking good, engaging in all types of physical activities, socializing, acquiring new skills, learning more about the world and making a valuable contribution to it. They may have a few wrinkles residing beneath their eyes and some impertinent gray hairs sprouting on their head but their essence, they observe, is not radically different from that of a person in their mid-30s. They still laugh uncontrollably at risqué jokes, splurge on a ridiculous pair of sexy, 4-inch red stilettos or a bottle of 100-year-old scotch and know which new movies are available on Netflix – all the while shouldering weighty responsibilities at home and work.
For some, an additional source of concern is their uncertain employment status. There is a growing recognition that 50 years of age is when well-educated, capable individuals may suddenly be deemed too expensive, experienced and threatening to the younger cohorts either entering the workplace or already operating there. The 50s folk can sometimes conveniently be perceived to be a little technologically out-of-touch (although this is not always the case) as this might also make them expendable. Many respondents are fully cognizant of the elephant-in-the-room ageism issue that hovers over the interview process. They know that a 32-year-old manager might be reluctant to report in to a talented, experienced 50-year-old director or to hire a dynamic 54-year-old consultant and show him/her respect. They know that their level of work and life experience, emotional intelligence and talent can be unnerving for their younger counterparts. They recognize that many of them do not appreciate the wells of experience and empathy that older individuals offer and/or do not view the receding hairline, creases under the eyes or laugh lines by the mouth as stripes well-earned. Instead, they seem to regard them as disempowering, unpleasant harbingers of their own aging process and mortality. Consequently, they do not even permit themselves to entertain the possibility of how beneficial intergenerational interaction in the workplace might be for all involved on a practical and emotional level – in the short and long-term.
Another ingredient in the Sandwich Generation sandwich is the loss which generally accompanies this life stage. Loss of parents, parents’ close friends (with whom one may have forged a tight bond) and even the untimely death of one’s own friends from mental or physical illness – breast cancer being cited frequently by the female respondents. For most, each funeral serves as a reminder of the passage of time, the need to appreciate the blessing of each day, to look for the good in life and others, to love fully and to commit to ”doing the right thing.”
Reevaluate friendships
Sadly, many remark that the natural losses experienced are matched by other losses which sometime feel preventable. Another unpalatable reality for the Sandwich Generation is the need to reevaluate one’s friendships. This is the life stage which is synonymous with spring-cleaning the closet of friendships and letting go of those people who are no longer a good fit.
Regardless of one’s geographic location, socioeconomic status or ethnicity, respondents regard this friend reshuffling process as a kind of rite of passage. Disappointment in and termination of certain friendships is a common leitmotif – especially among women. They surmise that the level of closeness with other women is often deeper than that experienced by their male counterparts with their friends, so the intensity of the disappointment is greater. The recognition that someone has failed to be there for them during a time of need is often a sobering call to action at this stage when patience and tolerance levels tend to wear thin. Women refer to friends who were supportive and available when there was sickness and/or emotional pain as well as those who were absent. Observations are also made about those who knew how to share some of the “minor” joys but were then riddled with jealousy at other milestone moments such as a promotion at work, a child’s academic/athletic success or engagement and marriage. Their failure to stand up in defense of a friend when others unfairly maligned them or spread vicious rumors is also cited as a reason for the collapse of a friendship.
Many of this 50+ cohort confess to furnishing the hope that the trials and tribulations of life (and death) would have taught the value of warmth, caring, empathy and generosity of spirit to their peers. However, the reality is different and they are frequently forced to acknowledge the small-mindedness, self-centeredness and hypocrisy of their peers who, although older, are obviously not wiser. The eviction of a person who lacks basic common decency or a moral compass from one’s inner circle emerges as yet one more weighty mid-life stage decision which can result in a prolonged period of pain and grief. A complicated exit strategy is sometimes also called for, which makes this process all the more uncomfortable.
The usage of social media is also perceived by these respondents to be both a blessing and a curse as it allows them to feel connected to others as well as disconnected from them. “Post and boast” is perceived to be a very negative cultural phenomenon as it can make individuals feel deprived, alone and depressed. As such, it can serve as an additional source of malaise and sadness.
The general consensus among our middle-aged respondents is that life in 2019 is fragile, complicated and frightening for many individuals – not just their own age cohort. Given the fact that so many of the big issues are unfixable, many believe that it is advisable to bring some light and beauty to their own little patch – their home and workplace communities. This, they state, can be achieved by making an effort to treat one’s fellow travelers with empathy, warmth, understanding and thoughtfulness – by remembering to be kind because everyone out there is fighting a battle about which others know nothing and by recalling Audrey Hepburn’s observation that: “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”
Present a huge opportunity
The insights gleaned from this study reinforce the need for marketers and market researchers to start to focus more on this large, powerful and frequently ignored age cohort, because they not only have talent and valuable information, experience and attitudes to share with their younger counterparts in the workplace but simultaneously present a huge opportunity for the development of new products and services. These might include personal care products (developed for aging skin and hair), pre-packaged food kits for those with chronic conditions requiring special dietary and nutritional intake (such as diabetes) as well as private transportation or errand services.
Collecting their input into how to create retail environments which are more age-friendly will also lead to valuable recommendations which can ultimately boost sales. Examples might include placement of chairs/benches in different areas of stores to allow weary individuals to rest for a while; while sitting, these older adults might either catch sight of an item they need or think about one they had previously forgotten to add to their list. Lowering the height of shelving to ensure easy access for arthritic fingers or painful rotator cuffs is also likely to enhance the chance of an older adult making a purchase at-shelf rather than deciding to walk away from it due to difficulty accessing it.
The study also highlights the importance of selecting research vendors and methodologies for a study with older adults. Efforts must always be made to research and hire vendors who are both willing and adept at recruiting this target audience segment for online interviews as many are either unable and/or unwilling to do this. Some are also negatively predisposed to dealing with them, in part because they assume – erroneously – that they are all technologically inept. Careful screening of respondents also helps identify those (usually 65-80 years of age) who are truly suited to participating in an online study versus those who are less equipped to do so.
A range of traditional as well as more contemporary research methodologies – including in-person or online mini-groups, one-on-ones, dyads and triads – work effectively with this target audience segment as they are not too overwhelming and loud. Online methodologies are generally best reserved for those with greater technological aptitude. Older adults are actually the fastest-growing group of online users. Today, 67% of adults 65 and older say they go online. Fully 82% of 65-69-year-olds are internet users and two-thirds say they have broadband internet connections at home. On the other hand, fewer than half of seniors 80 and up (44%) report using the internet and just 28% say they have broadband service, according to Pew Research Center data. Adoption rates for seniors in their 70s fall in between these two groups.
Given that the brain of an older adult generally processes information at a slower rate than that of their younger counterparts, it is also important to extend the duration of each interviewing session. This helps ensure that each older respondent has adequate time to express him/herself without feeling too stressed or rushed as many are aware that their processing function has slowed. For example, a one-on-one interview (online or face-to-face) featuring new product or advertising concepts which can be completed in one hour with younger respondents is likely to take an additional 20 minutes with older adults. The good news is that a patient researcher and innovation-focused client will frequently unearth some rich insights from these older adults as theirs is a generation which prizes substance and quality over the “nanosecond” input.