Editor's note: "War Stories" is a regular feature in which Art Shulman, president of Shulman Research, Van Nuys, Calif., presents humorous stories of life in the research trenches.

Judith Hoffman of Judith Hoffman Transcription Service uses some Hewlett-Packard equipment for her transcription service and reports receiving a mailing from H-P's customer service department updating her on their efforts to be Y2K-compliant and assuring her that her equipment will not fail when the time comes. The mailing was addressed: "To the person in your company responsible for the Year 2000."

Tony Memoli of Chase Manhattan Bank remembers coming upon some interesting statistics a number of years ago while working at a consumer panel research company: 96 percent of households bought toilet paper (what about the rest?); 45 percent of households bought dog food, yet only 40 percent owned a dog.

James Sorensen of Sorensen Associates relates a recent in-store interviewing study his firm conducted. Consumers were being interviewed about their shopping behavior in grocery stores. After purchasing an item, a respondent was approached and asked about, among other things, his use of a shopping list. The shopper indicated he was using a shopping list that day and that the item he had just selected was on his list. To understand exactly what the shopper wrote on the list to reference the product he'd purchased, the interviewer asked to see the list. The shopper hesitated and said he did not want to show the list. The interviewer asked why he was hesitating and the respondent said, "Because the item I just purchased was not on my list. I lied."

Makes you wonder about the veracity of other respondents we interview when we don't challenge their responses. Maybe, when respondents give an unlikely answer, interviewers should say, "You're lying, aren't you?" When first breaking into the research business, Kevin C. Reilly of KCR/Creative was asked to attend a rally for a Midwestern Evangelist preacher, for whom his firm was conducting an extensive quantitative study. During this performance to a packed auditorium of several thousand loyal followers, the reverend at one point asked, "How many of you thought that I would take up a collection tonight?" With some hesitation, hands slowly began to go up throughout the auditorium, until virtually all hands were raised. At this point the preacher stated forthrightly, "I will not disappoint you!"

Alice Strauss of Interviewing Service of America remembers conducting a door-to-door interview early in her career. She was having a difficult time filling her quota of males, when finally she found someone qualified. As she was conducting the interview in the living room, the man allowed his robe to open, revealing his toned, naked body. Strauss avoided looking at him and proceeded with the interview - a qualified respondent is a qualified respondent, after all, especially when there's low incidence, a deadline for completion, and there are no interviewer instructions to terminate the interview if the respondent has no clothes on. Finally, the man heard the sound of a key turning. He rose, closed his robe, and greeted his wife, who was coming in with groceries. Strauss completed the interview with the nonchalant respondent, and when she was about to leave, stared into his eyes and thanked him for "a very interesting interview." On the opinions of such consumers do marketing decisions rest.

A number of years ago, when I was working for a large advertising agency, we needed to put together a clutter reel so we could study commercial memorability. We asked the production people to gather some commercials, specifying the brands, but not the specific spots, to be used. Before the materials were sent to the field, I did a last minute check of the clutter reel. I found one commercial which I immediately deduced would score highest in recall. It was just a Crest toothpaste commercial - but it was the only one on the reel in Spanish!