Editor’s note: "War Stories" is a regular feature in which Art Shulman, president of Shulman Research, Van Nuys, Calif., presents humorous stories of life in the research trenches.

Don Millsap of LUCID Research Services tells about moderating a focus group in a motel conference room in rural Mississippi. The topic: studying alternative versions of a farm equipment radio jingle. Millsap played his tapes, while the hard-working soybean and rice farmers listened, mostly with heads bowed. Millsap then waited for reactions.

After a moment, a man looked up. "This all you got to do?" he asked. Millsap froze, too embarrassed to respond to the farmer’s painful question.

Mark Michelson of Michelson & Associates relates some more reasons he has heard from mystery shoppers for not completing shops:

"My husband died last night, but I can go this weekend. It will do me good to get out."

"My car was stolen with the completed report in it. I can’t recall the shop, but will you still pay me? I need the money now that I don’t have a car anymore?’

"I can’t leave my apartment because my cat is sick. Maybe next week."

Arnie Fishman of Lieberman Research Worldwide tells about designing a study for a pet food company interested in determining how many people ate dog food. Early on, the astute Fishman recognized that you can’t just come out and ask people if they eat dog food. Who would admit to it? So, his questionnaire started out by informing consumers that the survey concerned consumption of "exotic foods." Consumers were then asked if how often they ate a variety of foods such as rattlesnake meat, gopher brains, chocolate covered ants, frog kidneys, and, of course, dog food.

Fishman reports that there are more people out there than one might expect who say they eat dog food "all the time."

Of course, in the context of his battery of "food" items, eating dog food seems relatively normal. In fact, there’s a suspicion that some people may want to consider themselves at least somewhat exotic, and claim to do something they don’t really do, since denial of eating any of the foods may make them seem dull. Thus, his percentages of those who admit to eating dog food may be overstated.

Stephen J. Hellebusch of Q2 Marketing Research got a chance to test the old market research rule that you never ask respondents the same question twice. In one of his studies, 545 adult consumers were asked their ages at the beginning and at the end of a 20-minute interview. (This was done intentionally, not because Hellenbusch forgot he asked the age question at the beginning of the interview.)

To his surprise, 6 percent changed ages. Of the 34 people who changed ages, 46 percent became older (26 percent by exactly one year) while 54 percent became younger (38 percent by exactly one year).

Consultant Alan Fine reports that when he worked for a supplier earlier in his career, clients occasionally called and asked if his firm could complete a study and provide a report within a very unreasonable time period. Fine would tell them, "Listen, I have a report on tuna fish, and if you want I’ll just replace ’tuna fish’ with (the client’s product type). And that’s the only way I can get you the report in the time you want it."

Fine indicates that once in a While a client tried to take him up on his offer, with one of them saying, "Okay, but I want a 25 percent discount."