It’s official: E-mail, texting and social media are no longer just helpful, supplemental business tools. They’ve taken over. Yes, technology has made many aspects of modern living more convenient but has it gone too far? We now live in a world that provides a comfortable firewall, insulating us from personal rejection – one in which we simply don’t need to communicate in real time anymore.
According to Michael Houlihan, co-author of The Barefoot Spirit: How Hardship, Hustle, and Heart Built America's #1 Wine Brand, a book that chronicles the history and lessons learned building the Barefoot Wine brand, this technology takeover is not without consequence. Misunderstandings abound. Relationships stagnate. Trust is at an all-time low. And these issues are at least partially due to the fact that genuine, human connections have been replaced by clicks and keystrokes.
Houlihan outlines seven advantages of face-to-face relationship-building.
The time investment shows you really care.
It’s a fairly universal truth that human beings want to be valued and appreciated. Spending time with someone else, whether that’s in-person, face-to-face on a computer screen or, if all else fails, via a phone call, is one of the best ways to convey these things. An investment of time says, “While there are many other things I could be doing, I’m choosing to spend my time with you. That’s how important I think you are!” Minutes and hours spent with another person can create a bond that money can’t buy.
You can give better personalized attention.
According to Houlihan, this is perhaps the biggest key to successful sales and establishing any long-term relationship. Think about it: It’s hard to multitask on something unrelated when someone is physically planted in front of you, demanding your attention. Unless you have no problem with blatant rudeness, you’re focused on the other person, responding not only to what they say but also to their mood, movements and many other nonverbal signals.
You’re more effective in general.
When you’re talking to someone else in real time, you can make progress in real time and solve problems in real time. Believe it or not, lobbing e-mails back and forth isn’t always the most efficient method! Thanks to facial expressions, body language and tone of voice, you’ll usually find out more than just the basics with a verbal conversation.
Facial expressions help get your message across...
Did you know that the human face has at least 20 muscles that work in concert to create myriad telling facial expressions? This is a powerful argument for face-to-face meetings, whether they’re in-person or via Skype.
...so does your body language...
Unlike looking at a posed profile shot or any still image sent over e-mail, being face-to-face lets you see the other person’s dynamic reaction and adjust your own message. Real-time body language provides tons of nonverbal cues that are impossible to convey via text or e-mail.
“As humans and social animals, we are naturally wired to get this feedback instantly,” says Houlihan. “We’re also equipped to share our own feelings and attitudes through the way we stand, sit, gesture and more.”
...and so does your tonality.
It’s happened to everyone: You send an e-mail that’s laced with sarcasm or humor and the recipient totally fails to pick up on it. Oops! Now you’re left doing damage control. According to Houlihan, that’s one major reason why texting, e-mailing and connecting on social media fail at relationship-building.
Your vulnerability shows – and that’s a good thing!
In the virtual world, you control your image. You choose the pictures you post on your profile. You censor the information you do and don’t want to share in your messages, posts and updates and consider the content carefully before hitting “send.” But in a real-time, face-to-face relationship, the other person can observe your dynamic, spontaneous behavior. The other party sees your human imperfections and is aware that you are vulnerable to potential personal rejection.
Lasting and dependable
“A relationship can start through text, e-mail or social media,” says Houlihan. “In fact, I encourage entrepreneurs and other businesspeople to utilize those resources. But in order to be lasting and dependable, a relationship has to grow in person. Yes, developing your face-to-face social skills will make you feel vulnerable at times. As is the case with learning to walk, though, feeling vulnerable is why we get so good at it!”
Of course, in a global economy, face-to-face meetings are expensive. When clients, vendors and even employees are on the other side of the world, it’s not feasible to hop on a plane every time a meeting is needed. In these cases, Skype is the next best thing, says Houlihan.